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It is times like this. Where you feel I would say numbe. Numbe dumb perhaps.

Maybe.
So-so.
I'm doin' so-so ya know.

I don't know if you feel that way ever but I do. I guess it is the situations I am in. Like this job where I basically just sit here and do nothing. I could do that. But I do mostly just write. But I am talking about those times where you really don't take advantage of the time you have. Numbe dumb wanna be a bumb. I really feel like going out and getting a sandwich or a slice of pizza or something. But I know I shouldn't because I shouldn't spend money on food like that.

Do you ever do that where you always make yourself feel guilty for money you spend? I guess I am not really hungry for a slice of pizza, I just want to do something. SOMETHING. Something else than sit here and learn or be intellectual. Just something else. I like going to lunch, it is something very fun.

And I just thought about all the Americans how they're so fat. They're so fat because they go out to eat all the time. There aren't really many other social things you can go to. In a lot of places except in cities. All you do is go out to eat or drink. You get fat. Don't get fat.

Ya, so I make myself feel guilty about buying food. So sometimes when I was hungry and was too guilty to buy I stole. I used to steal Chick Fillet a lot. I'll drew you out a diagram how I did it sometime. IT was a very ingenius genius way I learned from C. That could alleviate my need for consumption, for food, as well as my guilt of money. And stealing is not so hard if you don't think about it. Or if you justify it. I used to justify it saying well it is a big company so one package of chicken nuggets is not going to do anything. And it wouldn't really. I never really wanted to steal from a person, although I have even recently, but a corporation. Because you know where the money goes. It goes into some rich person's pocket or actually their damn bank account and then into some restaurant business. So really by stealing you are spreading the wealth more evenly. You are getting something and they are losing. That is all capitalism is about anyway, getting profit from labor or selling something. It is reverse capitalism. So I can start out stealing chicken nuggets from a restaurant, a big restaurant, like chick fillet. And in my mind I can start out doing that and then get to a point that you don't even think about stealing anymore. It is as simple as buying something, which is just as complicated. At least stealing makes some more sense because you are getting something for nothing. There is a real profit in stealing. But in buying there are all kinds of tricks of guilt and habit and loneliness and selfishness and jealousy and imagination and fantasy. And the rush of stealing. The list could compile forever into the trees of one of those stupid landscapes.

Right now I want to get a piece of pizza. It will cost me money and in 3 hours I can eat at the sandwich shop for free.

My Discord Spirit has risen again. Yes again. I keep on thinking of a book I read or movie or something that talked about the Discord Spirit. Every time I am in a certain mood like this I think of the discord spirit.